Mutant Poker Showdown
by mihpares-x
Summary: It's time for Mutant Poker Showdown! The Acolytes get a chance to test their poker skills, while Magneto and Mystique host the show.


Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men Evolution or Celebrity Poker Showdown  
  
A/N: I thought this would be a good idea for a fanfic, hopefully it is. The characters are Gambit (Remy), Pyro (St. John), Colossus (Piotr), Sabertooth (Victor), and Mastermind (Jason). I'm going to be using their aliases and real names interchangeably, and I don't want anyone to get too confused. I'm writing it like a script, and oh, I don't know very much about poker.  
  
Mutant Poker Showdown  
  
MAGNETO: Welcome to today's episode of Mutant Poker Showdown. The contestants today are my Acolytes.  
  
MYSTIQUE: Yes, we should be able to get the game started soon. There was a little problem with the table catching on fire, but now there's a new table, and Pyro seems to have calmed down now that the men in white coats are standing by with tranquilizers.  
  
MAGNETO: Yes, well, now that that is taken care of we will begin by introducing the players. To the left of the dealer is Jason, to his left is Remy, to his left is Piotr, then.  
  
PYRO: Don't say it! The name's Pyro, mate!  
  
MAGNETO: St. John.  
  
PYRO: ARGHHH!!!  
  
(The men in white coats step towards Pyro, and Pyro stops screaming)  
  
MAGNETO: And to St. John's left is Victor. The dealer is now dealing out the cards and the game will begin. The odds on favorite to wins today's game is Remy, which isn't very surprising.  
  
MYSTIQUE: Not surprising at all, Magnus. Remy is very good with the cards.  
  
REMY: Among other things.  
  
(Gambit pats the drink girl on the butt as she walks past, and she giggles.)  
  
SABERTOOTH: I'm gonna win this game. I used to play poker with Logan all the time.  
  
GAMBIT: No one cares, fur ball.  
  
SABERTOOTH: Watch your tongue, Cajun, or I'll have to rip it out of your head.  
  
GAMBIT: Go ahead and try.  
  
(Remy charges up one of his cards and looks at Victor; Victor growls and looks back down at his own cards.)  
  
MYSTIQUE: Well, it certainly looks like things are heating up down there, Magnus.  
  
MAGNETO: Yes, this should be a very interesting game. And I've made the stakes even more interesting. The first two to lose are off of my team.  
  
COLOSSUS: You did not tell us that, Magneto!  
  
MAGNETO: On the contrary, I just did. Continue with the game.  
  
MYSTIQUE: Player calls and it looks like Gambit wins with a straight flush. Mastermind follows with a full house, Colossus is next with three of a kind, and it seems that somehow Pyro has managed to stay in the game with one pair, even though he is now busy throwing drink coasters into the air and lighting them on fire.  
  
PYRO: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!  
  
MAGNETO: That means that with only a high card hand, Victor is now out of the game and off of the team.  
  
SABERTOOTH: NOOOOO!!! How could I loose?!? They must be cheating!  
  
(Victor roars again and flips over the table.)  
  
GAMBIT: You're just not very smart, Mon ami. Tough luck.  
  
(Remy winks at Victor, and Victor lunges for Remy, but Remy grabs his staff and uses it to hold Victor back until the men in white coats can remove Victor from the stage.)  
  
MYSTIQUE: While, we're waiting for the table to be set back up again, let's find out what charities our contestants are playing for. Pyro, we'll start with you, what is your charity?  
  
PYRO: I'm playing for the firefighters of New York City.  
  
MYSTIQUE: That's a noble and yet surprising choice of charity for you, Pyro. And what is your charity Colossus?  
  
COLOSSUS: I am playing for poor family in Russia. Maybe with winnings family will be able to buy shoes for winter.  
  
MYSTIQUE: How very depressing. Now, Gambit, what charity are you playing for? Wait, Gambit isn't in his seat. Does anyone know where he went?  
  
(Camera pans around the studio until movement is seen and giggling is heard behind one of the curtains. A stage hand pulls back the curtain to reveal Remy with his back to the audience standing in front of a very naked drink girl.)  
  
MAGNETO: AHEM!  
  
(Remy turns around and goes back to his seat, while the drink girl tries to cover herself up with the curtain.)  
  
GAMBIT: I'm playing for the T'ieves Guild of New Orleans, Cheri.  
  
MYSTIQUE: And I'm sure they need it. Now last and most likely least.what is your charity Mastermind?  
  
MASTERMIND: I'm playing for The Monkey-faced Children's Charity.  
  
MAGNETO: Normally we would ask you to tell us more about the charity, but I do not think anyone here really wants to know more. The table is now righted, and the dealer begins.  
  
GAMBIT: Luck be a lady tonight!  
  
COLOSSUS: Why, so you screw her too?  
  
MYSTIQUE: Ooo, I think Colossus just made a joke at Gambit's expense. Who knew he had it in him? Gambit is keeping a perfect poker face, though; he's very focused on his cards.  
  
MAGNETO: Whereas, it appears that Jason is beginning to sweat. Perhaps his cards are not what he wished them to be.  
  
MYSTIQUE: We'll get to see right now, player calls.  
  
MAGNETO: Jason had an impressive flush but it appears that he was sweating because he knew the other players' hands. Remy again leads with four of a kind, and St. John and Piotr are tied with full houses.  
  
PYRO (turning to Mastermind): You are the weakest link! Good-bye! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!  
  
MAGNETO: Yes, well, before you leave, Jason, I have one question to ask you. You can alter thoughts, how could you possibly lose?  
  
MASTERMIND: I didn't think we were supposed to use our powers in the game.  
  
MAGNETO: As one of my Acolytes you should have known that you ALWAYS use your powers if they will allow you to win. I must say that I am not sorry to lose from the team if you hadn't even managed to learn that.  
  
MYSTIQUE: What an unfortunate turn of events today for Sabertooth and Mastermind. But I must congratulate you, Magnus, on this creative way to weed out the losers from your team. I'm afraid my Brotherhood wouldn't even be able to figure out how to play poker. Except, of course, for Pietro and Wanda.  
  
MAGNETO: You are probably right.  
  
(The camera pans around the stage, focusing on each remaining player for a few seconds. Piotr just sits there seemingly staring off into space; St. John makes random shapes out of his flames, and Remy is shuffling through a deck of cards pulling some of them out of the deck and slipping them up his sleeve. The audience gasps and all three players look up, and the camera plays back Remy's activities on the large screen.)  
  
COLLOSUS: Gambit was cheating! Have you no honor, comrade?  
  
GAMBIT: No, should I? I was going to win the game too, especially with you two losers left.  
  
PYRO: FIRE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MYSTIQUE: Well, it appears that Gambit was caught cheating, but that doesn't really matter now because Pyro has just set the stage on fire, and everyone is running for their lives. Looks like the men in white coats just weren't fast enough.  
  
MAGNETO: With St. John around things usually end this way.  
  
PYRO: Stop calling me that! AAHHHHH!!!  
  
(Fire spreads quickly around the stage while Pyro begins to laugh manically.)  
  
MYSTIQUE: That's all we have for this episode of Mutant Poker Showdown. Good night!  
  
(Mystique turns into an eagle and flies away, while Magneto summons his metal orbs, one of which encapsulates Pyro, and the rest get into the others and escape as the fire engulfs the stage.) 


End file.
